Ask Artful...

[Jesse]

Dear Artful,

Belt or suspenders?

[Costello]

It is important that one does not wish to look like Gordon Gekko, but braces (or suspenders) are permitted if done tastefully, however they are only to be acceptable if they are leather and held by the button. Clip ons are for teenager trend followers or habitual losers. Braces are also a personal effect, something only you should really see, as they are a means of holding the trousers in position (though unnecessary if one goes bespoke.) For all other instances a belt will suffice, especially if you intend to go jacket-less for some duration. The fit of the belt will draw the shirt in to cut a superior silhouette.

I personally would stick to a belt each time, ensuring shoes match of course.

[Picard]

Dear Artful,

When one leaves the bathroom of an hotel and moves back into the room where two hot girls who had been talking about vagina all day wait for him should he:

1. Just go naked, ready to give some cockslap or;

2. Keep his Calvin Klein underwear on in order to leave some for the imagination.

[Costello]

It depends if the man in question's Calvin's (I prefer Ralph Lauren) have that boxer-packaged cover model appearance or whether they are afterthought underwear - who really wants to see boxer shorts that have seen better days? You could also imply that the endowment of the man's own package is relevant, but I would say it is not.

It is down to preference. However, while I was staying with a girl called Bethan, we ended up in bed and while she lay naked in her bed I went to the bathroom as one does and proudly walked naked there and back. It is a matter of confidence. If you have the balls to walk in nude, this man commands that you should.

Men who can roam naked have grasped their primal nature to sow their seed far and wide, this should be respected if the context allows for it. Two ladies lubricated my their imagination, is the perfect setting.

[Picard]

I opted for option two last week-end. I too walk naked after sex or whenever I have already had sex with a girl. However there were two and I had never had sex with any of them so it puzzled me.

Great input! Pour yourself some Whiskey.

[Exeter]

Dear Artful,
I have this dilemma. I am married with 3 hot girlfriends. trying to keep my life in order is areal pain. Would you have a suggestion of some good scheduling software to keep track?

[Costello]

Ah, a common issue among the multi-tasking male. So many dripping orifices, so little time. Scheduling software however would make such a quandary seem like something one has to troubleshoot, in doing so making the whole situation rather asinine. My advice, is to invest in a moleskin (or a material of similar quality) ledger from which you can methodically and traditionally chronicle your clandestine affairs, the manual procedure of writing will make you feel like an audacious Thomas Cranmer motioning his way through King Henry's cast-offs.

I find that using a fountain pen with a handwriting form only the penman can make out adds an extra frisson to the excitement multiple dalliances brings to an otherwise parochial existence. I personally use a black, leather-bound moleskin journal from which names and dates are scribbled pretentiously; an indulgent aesthetic touch to compliment the process of compartmentalising time spent with wenches.

[Shroombuck]

I personally use a black, leather-bound moleskin journal from which names and dates are scribbled pretentiously; an indulgent aesthetic touch to compliment the process of compartmentalising time spent with wenches.

So... tell me again; who suggested that you keep a journal?

[Costello]

I personally use a black, leather-bound moleskin journal from which names and dates are scribbled pretentiously; an indulgent aesthetic touch to compliment the process of compartmentalising time spent with wenches.

So... tell me again; who suggested that you keep a journal?

I do not use it like a journal as you would presume.

[Shroombuck]

I personally use a black, leather-bound moleskin journal from which names and dates are scribbled pretentiously; an indulgent aesthetic touch to compliment the process of compartmentalising time spent with wenches.

So... tell me again; who suggested that you keep a journal?

I do not use it like a journal as you would presume.

Why does Artful not use a journal as I would presume he would use it?