Make yourself at home: this forum is for visitors and officers who enjoy humour and actuality, you are allowed to speak about anything here within reason.
On the old UFP forums, Artful and yours truly here were the creators of a similar topic. It would only be fair to continue this glorious tradition on our forums as well.
A few by my hand:
Shroombuck wrote:You see me doing thrill-seeker liquor store holdups with a 'Born to Lose' tattoo on my chest?
Shroombuck wrote:A student burst into my office and said: 'Sir, I don't believe I deserve this F you've given me!' To which I had to reply: 'I agree, but unfortunately it is the lowest grade this University will allow me to award.'
Shroombuck wrote:The only thing that sustains one through life is the consciousness of the immense inferiority of everybody else, and this is a feeling that I have always cultivated.
Shroombuck wrote:I am always right. It's so invariable, it startles me.
Shroombuck wrote:I will ram my foot so far up your ass in that EF-match, you shall be licking the fungi in between my toes.
Shroombuck wrote:Do believe me; I tied my own shoelaces once. It is an overrated experience, really.
Shroombuck wrote:That's like pouring another pail of petrol on a baby that is already burning nicely.
Shroombuck wrote:There's more permanent fashion nous in the signet ring on my little finger than those naysayers will ever pick up in a lifetime.
Shroombuck wrote:You apparently seem to think that my title just means a long run of parties, openings and so on. But to me, it's just a job, like any other really. Like everyone else, I have to get up at ten, put on my own clothes as they have been lain out for me, come down to breakfast just like any person would. Then I go about to the Estate Manager and discuss the state of affairs there, and talk with my Gamekeepers, and then Joséphine and I will run over the events of the day; who are coming to diner, what menus we ought to send to the kitchen and so on. It's really no different from being a welder, floorwalker at your local shop, really.
Shroombuck wrote:If you don't do it convincingly, I take you out back, and I run my fucking tractor over your head the rest of the day. Okay?
Shroombuck wrote:I like gardens, trees and unmechanised farmlands; I smoke a pipe and like good plain food. I go to bed late and get up late.
Shroombuck's father to Shroombuck when the latter wrote an apology letter wrote:An apology is disgusting and cowardly. It's beneath the dignity of a noble, however wrong he might be.
Shroombuck wrote:
Every morning when I wake up, I experience an exquisite joy - the joy of being Shroombuck - and I ask myself in rapture: what wonderful things this glorious Shroombuck is going to accomplish today..