Federation Command

The spelling 'whisky' is irrelevant. The best whiskies are Irish or they are a bourbon.

The spelling of Whisky is sacred - Scotch is Whisky, anything else is Whiskey.

However Canadian, Japanese and Welsh distillers also commonly use Whisky. I hear some colonial brands do as well, but generally Bourbon types and Irish products should always be Whiskey to make it clear they are not Scotch.

Of course, this argument is unfortunately hard to apply rigorously as manufacturers call their yellow water whatever they like.

Indeed, the worst crime of all being that some will call it whiskey when it tastes like sewage water.

It is essential that we have a policy in place for Whisk(e)y. This is the single most important policy in FC history. I hereby declare that ALL Whisk(e)y in FC be referred to as "Whiskey", but if it fails the taste test it shall not be referred to as such. This is in honour of Irish Whiskey, the most holy of all holy spirits. This order is issued under the influence, this holds "ex cathedra" status. Thereby superseding any such judgement by a sober council. The Scottish, Canadians, Japanese, Welsh... etc... They must submit to the superiority of Irish Whiskey. Failure to do so shall be considered a Category 1 offence and treated as treason.

That is all. Dismissed.

You may have a mutiny on your hands from the League of Scotch Drinkers...

Warfire wrote:You may have a mutiny on your hands from the League of Scotch Drinkers...

As long as you continue to refer to it as "Scotch", I have no problem.

Jesse wrote:It is essential that we have a policy in place for Whisk(e)y. This is the single most important policy in FC history. I hereby declare that ALL Whisk(e)y in FC be referred to as "Whiskey", but if it fails the taste test it shall not be referred to as such. This is in honour of Irish Whiskey, the most holy of all holy spirits. This order is issued under the influence, this holds "ex cathedra" status. Thereby superseding any such judgement by a sober council. The Scottish, Canadians, Japanese, Welsh... etc... They must submit to the superiority of Irish Whiskey. Failure to do so shall be considered a Category 1 offence and treated as treason.

That is all. Dismissed.

If you mean whiskey, the devil's brew, the poison scourge, the bloody monster that defiles innocence, dethrones reason, destroys the home, creates misery and poverty, yea, literally takes the bread from the mouths of little children; if you mean that evil drink that topples Christian men and women from the pinnacles of righteous and gracious living into the bottomless pits of degradation, shame, despair, helplessness, and hopelessness, then, my dear Fleet Admiral, I am opposed to it with every fibre of my being.

However, if by whiskey you mean the oil of conversation, the philosophic wine, the elixir of life, the light music falling into a glass as an agreeable interlude; if you mean the stimulating sip that puts a little spring in the step of an elderly gentleman on a frosty morning; if you mean that drink that enables us to magnify our joy, a toast to civilisation and the Glorious British Empire, a tribute to the continuity of our magnificent culture, a manifesto of our determination to use the resources of nature to refresh mind and body and enjoy to the full the senses with which one has been endowed, then dear Jesse, I am absolutely, unequivocally in favour of it.

This is my position, and as always, I refuse to be compromised on matters of principle.

Shroombuck wrote:

Jesse wrote:It is essential that we have a policy in place for Whisk(e)y. This is the single most important policy in FC history. I hereby declare that ALL Whisk(e)y in FC be referred to as "Whiskey", but if it fails the taste test it shall not be referred to as such. This is in honour of Irish Whiskey, the most holy of all holy spirits. This order is issued under the influence, this holds "ex cathedra" status. Thereby superseding any such judgement by a sober council. The Scottish, Canadians, Japanese, Welsh... etc... They must submit to the superiority of Irish Whiskey. Failure to do so shall be considered a Category 1 offence and treated as treason.

That is all. Dismissed.

If you mean whiskey, the devil's brew, the poison scourge, the bloody monster that defiles innocence, dethrones reason, destroys the home, creates misery and poverty, yea, literally takes the bread from the mouths of little children; if you mean that evil drink that topples Christian men and women from the pinnacles of righteous and gracious living into the bottomless pits of degradation, shame, despair, helplessness, and hopelessness, then, my dear Fleet Admiral, I am opposed to it with every fibre of my being.

However, if by whiskey you mean the oil of conversation, the philosophic wine, the elixir of life, the light music falling into a glass as an agreeable interlude; if you mean the stimulating sip that puts a little spring in the step of an elderly gentleman on a frosty morning; if you mean that drink that enables us to magnify our joy, a toast to civilisation and the Glorious British Empire, a tribute to the continuity of our magnificent culture, a manifesto of our determination to use the resources of nature to refresh mind and body and enjoy to the full the senses with which one has been endowed, then dear Jesse, I am absolutely, unequivocally in favour of it.

This is my position, and as always, I refuse to be compromised on matters of principle.

Hmmm... I swear I saw this exact reply in the chambers where I informed the council of my new holy edict. But unlike you my wit knows no bounds. So I shall reply originally to this.

Paragraph 1 of your reply is "old testament" whiskey. The holy spirit realised he made a mistake with this imperfect brew and soon after flooded the earth with all other forms of alcohol to dilute its impact. Later he sent his own son to earth to brew a new (Irish) whiskey as described in paragraph 2, the "new testament" whiskey. FC recognises the revelation of the new testament whiskey. The former brew fails to qualify as whiskey under the new testament FC proclamation.

Any policy created under the influence of alcohol does hold "ex cathedra" status. As such I must start drinking more Whiskey despite my preference for Cognac. I will begin drinking it immediately, it shall be an excellent breakfast.

Long live the New Testament. All those drinking Old Testament Whisky shall be called jews from now on.

I don't like monotheism, but when I do I like it drunk.